It could be tonight, tomorrow, next week, or next month at home, work, church, the gym, or a ballgame. But, be sure my pity party will happen, and you don't want to miss it.
Why am I having a pity party? I'm so glad you asked. I nor anyone else in my family is terminally ill or planning a funeral. No, I'm not homeless, and my bills are paid. I have many friends. But, you know, I have my good reasons, and I'd love to share them with you if you don't mind.
Reason one: unemployed and feeling worthless. I quit my part time retail job this summer believing I couldn't possibly work every morning beginning 6:00AM (sometimes on Saturday or Sunday) then teach international students at a local university three afternoons a week. Wouldn't you know it, there are no international students this semester, so I will not be teaching. How am I going to afford my mani-pedi or send boxes of useless goodies to my oldest two kids? Currently, I only work three hours a week at a gym, which barely pays for the protein powder for my fruit smoothies I need now that I've become a gym rat.
My dream career is writing or editing, but no one, and I mean no one, will give me a chance. I have three resumes stored on my computer, but not one person has called or e-mailed and asked to see them. I've written blog post after blog post, but NO ONE at the newspaper office has contacted me about submitting my writing.
I've even talked to a helpful young man at Staples about business cards. Apparently, I have to actually drive back up there for him to help me OR go on-line and do it myself even though obviously I'm busy pity partying. Does he not understand that Ms. Extreme Independent feels like a loser and desperately needs a paycheck?
Reason two: aging and forgetful. No, I don't have Alzheimer's nor am I taking care of a parent with Alzheimer's. But, you know, I can't remember to schedule appointments for my perfectly healthy kids. Sometimes I go to the gym without a sweat towel, can't remember to take my Omega3's, forget to stop by the grocery store for almond milk and blackberries for my smoothies, and Sunday, I mixed up the verses of a song I sang and became so nervous, it messed up my entire day.
Reason three: unorganized and regretful. It's September, 2015, and I found a wedding gift I bought in January, 2014 and sympathy cards I bought and didn't send. There are closets and storage spaces to clean out, a book to resume writing and old friends I need to call. There are people I've neglected, adventures I didn't take and prayers I didn't pray. Unfortunately, I can't stop pity partying long enough to do any of these things.
I know you're curious about the menu. Obviously, no cooking involved because, again, I'm too busy pity partying. While you listen to all of my problems, what would be better than a nice hot cup of black coffee? Whether you enjoy a cup with me at the local coffee shop, church, or my house, don't even think about trying to top my issues. It's my party, after all.
There's a box of candy bars under a container of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia in my freezer. When you come to my pity party, I won't make you eat straight from the carton. That's for my frequent solitary pity parties. I have a nice variety of dishes for my party, like my gorgeous Mary & Martha "gratitude" bowl. Founded by the original Mary & Martha who invited guests, like Jesus (I bet they told him their problems), into their home, Mary & Martha focuses on making guests feel welcome with inspirational products for the home. You can eat ice cream or a candy bar, or both, out of my "gratitude" bowl while you look around and feel sorry for me.
Who else is coming? I knew you'd ask. Everybody is welcome at my pity party whether they want to be there or not. My best listener, Hershey, is always at my pity party. It may look like she doesn't enjoy my pity party, but she's a Labrador; she always looks forlorn, like she's thinking, "I'm 84 with congestive heart failure and cataracts taking 6 pills a day. I'm sorry you can't find that picture for your blog."
What would a party be without music? Country only, of course, for the playlist. We'll start with Patsy Cline's I Fall to Pieces, then Tim McGraw's Diamond Rings and Old Barstools, and end the party with Hank Williams' I'm so Lonesome I Could Cry.
RSVP as soon as possible. I need a head count for the coffee, ice cream, and candy bars.
Well, you won't believe this. My friend, Elizabeth Nix, hosted a Mary & Martha party, so I went looking for the perfect cups for my pity party, and I found something I loved. There's just one problem. My pity party I was so excited about? It is over. I'm so sorry. http://www.mymaryandmartha.com/ElizabethNix
I found these wonderful little tea cups decorated with flowers, reminding me of my grandmother King, always the perfect hostess., always grateful. Written on the inside of each cup is "think on these things." On the outside, one word. These reminded me of my real story- the real reason for my pity party.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Instead of true, noble, pure, and lovely, my mind is on me and my wants, mistakes and regrets. Instead of pure, I'm feasting on rotten. I'm squeezing as many sour lemons into my mind, refusing to add sugar and water. Instead of truth, I'm accepting the world's lies. Instead of what's excellent, God's grace and love, I'm thinking about how much more, besides all of the gifts God has lavishly given to me, I want to show up at my doorstep with whatever I've ordered from Amazon. Instead of the noble things others have done for me, I'm regretting what I haven't done for them.
My mind is on the job that will make me feel valued and important instead of being grateful for a Savior that rescued me because he delights in me. Psalm 18:19 I guess if I thought of the many times God rescued me from my selfish pity thoughts and told me how valuable I am to Him, I wouldn't have time to pity party. You'd have to make your own coffee, grab your own spoon, and open the freezer yourself. What kind of pity party hostess would I be then? Probably, I'd be a better friend, wife, and mom.
I don't think my new pure, noble, lovely, true cups and gratitude bowl are fit for a pity party, but you're more than welcome to visit, and if I see you before then, we'll think on those things instead.